February is the month of love. The 14th is the day many will celebrate with their earthly loves. Husbands and wives exchange gifts. Many people get married or engaged on this day making it the day to honor with love the ones who have a huge impact on your life. The ones that make your heart go flutter with every touch of her hand and his voice. As I have aged and lost many loved ones, for me, each day is a day to celebrate love and my loved ones. Not just one day. I do, however, want to tell you a story about first love, a love supreme.
In 2005, I was pregnant with my second child, Christian. I left a job with security to work for a job in the mortgage industry. As you may remember, this was the same year of the mortgage bust. There were many companies that went under and lots of money and lives were lost as a result. It was a good idea in theory, but the choice I made did more bad than good. It caused stress in many relationships including my marriage. As a result of that decision, I had a very stressful and difficult pregnancy. Stressed, fearful and unsure of things, I feel into a depression. I was unemployed, so to speak, for 18 months with a Master's Degree. I felt like that all the negative things that were happening were my fault and I saw myself through this experience.
Shocked, saddened and feeling like a complete failure, I forgot my secret weapon – God. I was so concerned over what I did not have that I forgot what I did have. I did not pray, I did not sleep, and I did not believe that this mess would ever end. Somehow God got my attention and turned me and my life around. I found a job, I started to believe in myself and my gifts and talents again, I realized that my life was far from over and that I was not my failure; although I had failed at trying something new. I felt like I was alone and had no one in those dark nights. I realized that I had left my first love and forgotten that I could ask Him for help and He would help me. I forgot that He hears my cries and is close to those with a broken heart. And, surely, my heart was broken. I forgot that He loved me enough to give His son Jesus to die for me to be able to live with Him.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because I know life is tough and will knock you down, but you have Someone there who wants to help you make it through. His love for all of us is ever-present and can transform any heart and mind. My first love is here for you just like He was there for me. He wants to help us succeed and grow and be the best people that we can be. Growth comes through challenge, which I found out after this situation was over.
My experience reminded me of the prodigal son who when down on his knees eating with the animals, but came to himself and realized that his father would take care of him. He would provide food, clothing and shelter for him simply because he is his father. That is the same thing that my heavenly Father does for me.
As I am moving into a different place I am sharing my growth with you. I see so many people who have been hurt, want to give up and never dream again. Let me encourage you that it gets better and it will be better. You have to believe and let God help you. He promises to never leave you nor forsake you. It is my hope that someone will be inspired to trust God one more time. To get up, dust yourself off and ask for what you need believing that you will receive it. This could be your time to shine; but if you never ask for it or believe that it's possible, it may never come.
How did my story end? I found a job and my life started to change. It has been 10 years since that happened and the scars are finally gone. When the hurt is too deep only a Supreme Love has the power you need to heal and bless you. God was that for me and I pray that you will allow Him to be that for you.